Christmas belly and feeling sick....

So everyone, since I haven't posted an HNT in FOREVER.... I decided to post a lovely picture of my post christmas belly. Now, I really didn't pig out over Christmas, but I've been sick for two weeks and I haven't been to the gym in about a month now. So, I feel sooo lazy and bloated. I recently decided to try the relationship thing, (yeah I know... WHAT AM I THINKING?) so being sick really sucks. I feel so un-sexy!!!! Is that a word? Anyway, I feel like shit and I'm extrememly self consious of my snotty nose, heavy breathing through mouth which causes chapped lips and phlelgm inducing cough which makes me feel like my breath is like
draculas. Not to mention... bad skin & cloudy tired eyes.
Thank goodness the guy I'm seeing has been sick also
I can't wait to get well, then I hope I'll get to the gym,
do my yoga and start on a new year.
Any New Years resolutions out there


I think I'm going to quit my job soon.
Most of you know how much I hate it.
I'm just too chicken shit to actually do it.
I hate to leave someone hanging.
But, as someone told me today...
I am what matters.
And if my health is directly effected by my job,
mental and physical,
then I need to look out for myself.
He asked me what I wanted to do.
And I couldn't answer.
Why at 33 do I not know what I want to do?


Okay, that was quite the tangent. I hope everyone has a great New Years. I'll be working, once again.
I am going to make the New Year count.

Merry Christmas

Just wanted to send everyone very Merry Christmas thoughts and wishes!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did get a camera, so woo hoo.... I can start having fun with pictures again. I thought I'd send everyone a good Christmas morning picture to everyone, until I looked in the mirror. SCARY!!! Besides, I have to figure out how to work the damn thing anyway! I'm off to my parents house for a day full of family, friends and food. YEAH!!!!!!

Merry Christmas to all my blogger friends out there!!!!!!!!!!!

Helloooooooooooo Everybody

I just got my new puter hooked up and online. It feels great. Except that the screen is bigger than the keyboard, hey I just realized that. Wired. Note to self, bigger keyboard. It feels funny. Anyway.... Just wanted to post and say that I was up and running. Now, I hope to post more than I did before, or at least with more frequency than I have been. I hope everyone is having a fantastic holiday season. I sure can't seem to get into the groove of it at all. Last year I was going to soo many parties in HHI, and I was definitely in the spirit even though it was like 75 degrees there. This year, I can't seem to get into it. I tried to suggest a fun dinner with friends to celebrate the season, you know... Fancy dress, dinner, cocktails, good conversation and maybe dancing later and they all acted like that was the strangest thing ever. Now, I was talking just a nice dinner and such, they turned it into having some sort of party bus or something. Now, if we were in a big city, then great... Let's eat dinner, have drinks and bar hop in the limo. Big time!!!! But, let's face it ... my town has no cool bars to bar hop to. You want to bar hop to places to be seen and to be fabulous at, not the local watering hole where there is a line of trucks and El Caminos outside and a slew of Mullets waiting inside and they've never heard of a Cosmo and their idea of a glass of wine is Beringer White Zin. Now, that all sounds negative and snobby, I know, and god bless this town... but... I wanted to "go out out" (like that, LMAO!) You know, like fabulous food, fabulous fun and fabulous people. (why the hell am I using the word fabulous soo much? ) I'm such a dork. It just seems like the "going out" that people like to do in this town is to drink beer, get wasted and get laid. That seems to be the objective. No one celebrates, well except for the annual Christmas party that all the places of business have of course to show their employees how much they care about them. Well, and most bosses make the employees pay for their dinner. That's shitty! Now this little shing ding was supposed to happen Friday night, and already people are backing out. Well, that's okay. I'd rather just hang out with Weed, maybe my sister and eat a good dinner, laugh like freaks and then get a buzz and maybe just maybe get my ass on the dance floor at Diggers (that's only a possiblity Weed!) and get to bed early. That would be an ideal Christmas party for me here. LOL! Also, another bitch about the season.... The cold weather doesn't make me think of Jolly times for Christmas, it makes me think that it's fucking cold and there's no way I'm going to the gym. I'm going to hibernate in my house all day and night. I hate it when I feel that way. I haven't been to the gym in three weeks. That's HORRIBLE!!!!! The weather makes me feel lazy, but my health hasn't been the best either. I've seriously had a cold or something forever it feels. It's soooooooo annoying. Tomorrow, I'm going. I'm going to go run, and then I'm going to come home and do this kickass yoga DVD I got . Or maybe vise versa, but anyway... I'm going to do the yoga DVD for sure. The running depends on if I'm not hacking up my lungs still tomorrow. Hopefully my nose will be clear so I can do the DVD also. Breathe in Breathe out. Well, now that I've been a snob and rambled about lack of "fabulous" establishments in my town, and disgusted you with how snotty my nose is and how much phlegm I can cough up, I'll let you all sleep tight and have a wonderful night!

Greetings from OZ

Actually, I can't say OZ. Kansas definitely isn't like some fairy tale land called OZ. It's fricken cold and barren. Well, except for the eastern side of the state. It's pretty there. Actually, Kansas isn't that bad. I'm just pissy because it's so damn cold here. I guess I just have to get used to it. First I want to apologize to everyone for not keeping this blog up. I've been busy with life and have neglected to vent and post for therapy for quite sometime. Secondly, I don't have a digital camera anymore, so hopefully I will get one soon so I can have fun posting pics of my world for you all to see. Thirdly, I won't be posting again for a while because my home computer has officially died and I have to get a new one. I would post from work, if I could have sometime in the office. But, my job is one of those jobs where there isn't any down time, and your constantly on the go from the moment you walk through the door until you walk out it at night. Today I slept all afternoon, so I decided to hang out and post this before I went home. I'm not going to get rid of this blog, because I really do enjoy reading the comments and I look forward to reading everyone else's blogs. I also enjoy the therapeutic factor of it. I probably won't write more until the new year, unless I get my puter at home working. I just wanted to say hello, and I wish everyone the best holiday season.

I do want to say something though real quick.... Why isn't life fair sometimes?

I know, struggles build character, they give you strength and wisdom.... blah blah blah.....

I really don't want to hear it.

It's all true, but now I'm just frustrated....

what am I doing with my life? Why isn't it working out? What am I doing wrong? Why can't I be in love? Why is the one that would be the closest the furthest away? Why don't I know for sure it would be him? What do I want to do with my life? Why don't I like what I'm best at? Why am I so scared to to develop my creative side? Why can't I be more secure? Why do I go through most of my day uncomfortable? Why do I feel so hopeless? Why can't I relax?

just why?

okay, enough of my rambling....

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season. I'm sooo excited to hang out with my niece on Christmas. She will just be 1. Isn't that cute?

I will check in as often as I can.

Happy Holidays!!!!

2 drink confused ramblings

Have you ever felt that something has changed and not been able to pinpoint when it changed?

Or
Have you realized after-the-fact (whatever it was), that you felt different than you thought you would, and wondered when you changed how you felt in the first place?

those thoughts are kinda the same ... but what about...

What happens when you know something has changed and you don't have a clue what to do with it.
I feel lost. Unsure. Kinda relaxed, but kinda anxious. A bit sad, but only in the "whatever happens will happen" kinda way. Which I guess could be anxiety. Hmmmm....
I don't know what to do with my emotions.
That's the bottom line.

What I have done is: been a goofball at work, cooked dinner for the family, thought a lot, stared at nothing, stared at the candle, walked around, loved on my cat (real animal, you pervs LOL) , and listened to the silence. Oh yeah, and fixed a cocktail and then another. No, I haven't been smoking any pot tonight either, LOL. Although, that's not a bad idea....... nope, no need to make my brain analyze me anymore than it already is. I'm already starting to get a headache.

I like control,
and right now I don't feel like I have control of my emotions.
I don't know what to do with that.
And,
I don't know what to do with the loss of control.

National Breast Awareness Month

Hello everyone! In honor of National Breast Awareness Month, I thought I'd post one of my favorite pictures of my boobies again.

Now, I know I bitch about the torture of the contraption we women call a fucking bra, and men call over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder. Every women does, but... I have to say that I am so glad that I have healthy breast to put in to a bra. My grandmother on my fathers side had breast cancer and ended up dying from it, and my aunt on my mothers side has always had issues with her breast. I remember when I was young coming across my grandmothers foam boob inserts, and looking at them with a young girls wonder. I was in sixth grade when she passed away, and I really don't remember if I had started to develop my breast at that time, but I remember not understanding why it was such a big deal to my grandmother to have the foam inserts in her bra. They weren't that big anyway, it's not like they gave her gigantic boobs. LOL. I remember first there being one insert, and then there being two inserts and then they were gone. I believe, if I remember correctly, I asked my Aunt Kim one time were they were and she said grandmother (that's what she insisted on being called) didn't need them anymore. Now my grandmother was a very classy lady, always perfectly coifed and dressed. Very regal all the time. God forbid if she didn't look impeccable 24/7. It must of broke her heart to not have her breast, her womanhood. I can't imagine what it would of felt like for her on that one day when she decided not to put a bra on and the inserts in.

I am 33, and I have my breasts.

Now they aren't perfect by any means, and Weed and I always talk about getting boob jobs,

but I have them and I am sooo thankful for that.

I know, this is a lame post for HNT.

I don't have a digital camera anymore.

But you know what...

it's exactly where I want to be right now.

I'm really missing Hilton Head and all my friends there.

Pretty damn bad.

I rode the short bus

Hello again everyone! I haven't been posting because I cleared out my cookies and temporary internet files and when I did that I deleted my log on information that I had saved. So for weeks now, I've been trying to remember what my log on and password were. Today, out of the blue I just typed in what I thought they were again, and presto! It's like magic. So, I apologize for not posting earlier, but I is a retard for not remembering my own log in information.
Anyway,
I just got back from a cool canoeing trip with Weed and the Wedding Party. I seriously didn't think it was possible to drink that much in one day. Shit, I was wasted by noon everyday we were there. But, I had a great time. The Wedding Party is a cool bunch of people to hang out with, they are such great people. Weed of course is a dork, but... just joking Weed. It was super cool to get to hang out with her for an extended amount of time. We haven't got to do that in a very long time. So all in all, it was a fantastic Labor Day weekend. Well, except that I'm too fucking nice and dove into the water after a water gun and screwed up my left calf pretty badly. Then, the next day the canoe I was in hit a tree and sank, I fucked up my left forearm, wrist and hand in that little ditty. No worries though, it's all battle scars from a crazy, fun weekend. I'd do it all again. I hope everyone else had a great Labor Day weekend as well.

Happy HNT!

Today I started to go through all my old photos to get some to put up in my new place and I came upon a trip Weed and I took to Arkansas many a moons ago. Weed, do you remember these? LOL
They are a riot!

Now in defense of her looking like the hoochie, I have some photos of me in almost the exact same poses as her, but dang it, I can't seem to find them. LOL

Anyway, I came across this photo that was taken on the trip and it always seems to amaze me. I looked pretty good for as pissed off as I was that Weed took that picture of me.

That was sooo long ago! I wouldn't be caught dead in a bikini now. Thank god for old pictures to remind you of how you used to look!

Or do we really want to be reminded?

Happy HNT!

The sad goodbye finally

Here are some pictures that I promised.

I will miss the beauty of Hilton Head, and I already miss the friends I made there tremendously.

The pictures are of times spent, places seen & experiences had.

Finally, I'm back

Well, I finally made it home and I feel like a tornado has already ran me over. I'm not sure if it's the four day move or Saturday nights "welcome home" festivities that Weed made me participate in

(sounds naughty doesn't it?)

or that I feel like I'm walking around in a Ghost town with ghosts from my past but...Whatever the case, I can tell you that I feel like shit.

I'm searching for Toto to comfort me in an unfamiliar place & the Lion to give me courage to be here after 10 years.

The Tin Man would come in handy if he were properly oiled and he had not found his heart yet, then these emotions wouldn't affect me so much. Oh and I've got to find that fricken Scarecrow, maybe he has my brain, because I'm pretty sure I didn't have it when I made this decision.

Okay, not too be too negative because it has only been three days (I know).... but I've absolutely fallen in-love with my little niece. I told myself over and over that I would not allow her to be a spoiled brat,

but damn it...

if she's not the cutest, sweetest and happiest baby ever,

then I don't know what.

I'm already smitten, damn it.

I hope everyone had a fantastic week while I was gone!

Saying goodbye part 2: the heart wrenching departure

Okay guys, sorry to disappoint you, but I have to load up the puter before I will get the chance to post the last part of my Goodbye Series.

I promise that I will post beautiful pictures as soon as I get settled in and maybe I'll turn it into a hello and goodbye thing.

Anyway, everyone take care!

I'll miss you while I'm gone.

Saying goodbye.......

Hello Everyone!
I thought I'd post some fun pictures that I have.
All these pictures are from the two bars that
I worked at.
Funny

I don't have any pictures from my real job

I had while living here.

Anyway,
I've meet some fantastic people.
I'm going to miss them terribly.
But, I know that I'm taking a little bit of them
with me.

The first four are from Montego Bay.
It's the bar I worked at there and
"the boys"

They were so much fun!!!!
Love you guys
















The last two pictures are of the sports bar I
worked at named
Casey's.
Sorry they are so blurry.

It was hard to hold the camera straight
after few shots and beers. I'm just joking.

I loved working at Casey's!

They were like my surrogate family during my time here.

Great friendships were formed at this establishment.

So, that is my little ode to work for my time spent in Hilton Head.

I feel bad that I don't have any pictures to display of my "real job". But, just so you know, I didn't spend all my time hanging out in bars. LOL!

I was the Beach Club Coordinator for one of the plantations on the island. I received an award for the work I did for them at the annual meeting last November. At my going away lunch, I received a wonderful framed original artists rendering of the architectural design for the building that I managed for them. My job there was a great learning experience and once again, I met some wonderful people.

Tomorrow I am going to post some more pictures of my time spent on HHI.

Friends, places & scenery.

I will miss this place!

OMG

hey everyone! I'm sooo sorry that I haven't posted much lately. Maybe this blogger thing isn't for me. But, I have been overwhelmed (which you guys already know) with training the new girl and trying to get everything situated and ready for the move. Tonight, I've been packing FOREVER and it doesn't even look like I've made a dent. Mind you, I am definitely not a pack rat, in fact it drives my mom crazy how much I throw away all the time. Actually, I don't throw it away, I donate it to Goodwill or the Salvation Army. But, it disgusts me how much money I spend on nonsense. I've got soo much better, but I have a long way to go still which is quite evident in this packing excursion. But, that can be a whole other post.
Through the last few weeks, I've done a lot of soul searching and I've really been battling with my choice to move, where I'm moving, the job I'm taking, the reasons why I'm moving and why I didn't go somewhere else. I seriously think I've damaged my brain. LOL. Anyway, I'm doing it. I'm praying that there is a guardian angel watching over me and I don't turn into the person I once was and I continue on my path to my happiness. I hope that they are giving me push on the back to make me continue. Or wait, could the nagging in my gut be just nervousness or my angel punching me? LOL Can't decide, but I just keep on trucking!
Here's my HNT, sorry so late and so lame.
Unfortunately it's something I probably won't be doing for a long time.

Dang it!

I probably wont post next week, no puter on Thursday. I'll probably be back the next week with all sorts of stories of a road trip from hell with a mom, a dad, a cat, and of course Elvis. Should be interesting!

Okay, so they say it's your Birthday. Right?

That's all I could think of saying to represent what I am feeling. Not that I'm a Birthday freak or anything. I never want to celebrate, or call attention to the fact that it's my birthday. I've just never thought it was a big deal. Most of my friends think it's the greatest thing ever, but I just consider it to be another day. Anyway.......
I'm sitting here at my puter @ 2:30 am wondering why it didn't feel more special, and then in turn contemplating why I felt it should of been. I had a pretty atypical birthday day so to speak. I worked for an hour and a half, then I drove 30 minutes to the Mazda dealership to have them do the 30,000.00 mile service (because they said it should be done) & had them check the brakes for the trip. NO courtesy car (yes, I made an appt, but whatever) so I walked about a mile in the heat to the Super Walmart. Sat at Blimpe (because it was the only food for miles) and read the latest edition of Poeple. I remarked to myself about how I wasn't more upset or frustrated and that it felt good to just sit because you had too and relax because you had the time to do it. Hung out in Walmart, bought toothpaste, lip gloss and a cool shirt. Heading back down the road in the heat to find out that I needed brakes and it would be another 250.00. Nice, I said. How long before they go? By the next oil change. Double cool. Will make appt in the next week, wanted to puke on the floor because stomach so upset because of the money. No money, got to get back to Kansas okay... yuck. Stomach upset. Anyway, leave there and head to house to shower and get ready to go out. Post boobie shot on blog, YIPPY!, and then head out to the bar. Friends already feeling no pain. A new friend (met through other friend) is a great gal, but she's very loud and very vocal. So, the evening consisted of her entertaining everyone at the bar. Not because she does flips and tricks, but because she was so loud and has this Boston accent that screams "pay attention to me". Have you ever had a friend that you hang out with that is just exhausting to be around? That was her. Anyway, as I sat at the corner of the bar staring off into space, Thomas walked in. He's the boy that I just recently wrote about that had baggage and we had that wierd alchohol fused chemistry with? Anyway, he was nice and we just hung out for a bit. Then my horn dog of a friend said she'd take my place. She's crazy! She was serious. Thomas didn't know what to say, it was a hoot. Anyway, so I'm back at home feeling a little jinky reflecting on the day and thinking to myself, "hey wasn't to day supposed to be wonderful?" But, then I felt selfish because hey, I got shit done that needed to get done & my friends had a great time. And, quite possibly I made a match between two friends. LOL.

They say it's my birthday......... part two

Okay, let's try this again..............

OKAY, so it's just a boobie shot. But hey, that's pretty crazy for me!

All the other pictures I took, screamed

"HIT THE GYM - BOOB LIFT - LIPO"

Happy HNT Everyone

They say it's your Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello everyone.

It's official, I'm 33 today.

Not sure how to feel about it.

So in honor of it being my birthday

here's me in my birthday suit.

(I've been trying to post a picture here for the last 30 minutes,

Blogger is sucking today. I'll try again later, fuck)

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thursday!

Pivoting

Happy HNT Everyone!!!!!!!!!

View 1

Upside down View

I'm sorry I haven't been around for a couple of days.

It's been total chaos since I've made my decision to move. Now I can't decide where to go. I've been hashing out soooo much shit in my mind that I've become brain dead. So, in honor of trying to get focused and relaxed I decided to post a picture of my tattoo.

It is the chinese character for the word Pivoting.

Stay grounded but always rotate.

Rangers 47 + 3 part 2

1. What time did you get up this morning?
opened eyes at 7am, feet on floor... 10ish
2. Diamonds or Pearls?
emeralds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
the last Matrix. don't laugh, I work too much cinema. Geezzz, such a sad sack
4. What are your favourite TV shows?
Rescue Me, Entorage, Carnival, Seinfield, Gray's Anatomy
5. What did you have for breakfast?
nanna
6. What is your middle name?
Michelle
7. What is your favourite cuisine?
Itlalian or Mexican any day! anything spicy.
8. What foods do you dislike?
Ummmm, Liver? can't think right now of any for sure
9. Your favourite Potato chip?
Doritos
10. What is your favourite CD at the moment?
I have Sirius radio, so I don't listen to CD's very often. But, in my CD player is Little Big Town
11. What kind of car do you drive?
2003 Mazda Dual Sport Pick-me-up Truck
12. Favourite sandwich?
Tuna Melt
13. What characteristics do you despise?
selfishness, people who think they are better than others (whatever that is called), ignorance
14. What are your favourite clothes?
casual classics with some funky stuff occasionally
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
French Polyonesian islands
16. What colour is your bathroom?
mulit-colored wall paper. venetian village scene over and over (yuck!)
17. Favourite brand of clothing?
Designer: Channel or Chole Real world: J Crew, Limited, NY Co, whatever I can afford LOL
18. Where would you want to retire to?
some island in the Carribean or possible the Grenedines
19. Where were you born?
Kansas
20. Favourite sport to watch?
Live - Hockey, Televised - Football
21. Who do you least expect to do this / send it back?
who knows
22. Person you expect to send it back first?
Hmmmmmmmm ? not sure either
23. Coke or Pepsi?
anything Diet
24. Are you a morning person or night owl?
Early morning
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everybody?
I'm moving back home.
26. What did you want to be when you were little?
I'm not sure. I think my mother said I wanted to be a Ballerina. But, I can't remember
27. What is your best childhood memory?
watching the stars with my Aunt Kim
28. What are the different jobs you have had or do in your life?
bartender, buffet girl, manager, photo tech, coordinator, cahsier, hooker, part time party girl, Madam LMAO just joking
29. Nicknames?

30. How many Piercings?
one in each ear
31. Eye Colour?
Hazel
32. Ever been to Africa?
not yet
33. Ever been toilet papering?
no
34. Been in a car accident?
yes, not fun!
35. Favourite day of the week?
Sunday
36. Favourite restaurant?
here: Aqua, the Jazz Corner, Fat Baby's / home: Playa Azual
37. Favourite flower?
Lilac because it reminds me of my Grandmother
38. Favourite fast food restaurant?
I don't really eat fast food, but I'd say Quiznos or Arby's
39. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
KS - none, Oregon - twice, SC - didn't have to take it, thank god.
40. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail?
Travelocity
41. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Saks 5th Avenue, they have everything
42. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire?
everyone
43. Last person you went to dinner with?
I can't remember
44. What are you listening to right now?
my mom yapping in my ear over the phone ;-)
45. What is your favourite colour?
white or black
46. How many tattoos do you have?
3
47. What's your favorite time of the day?
early early morning when the world smells new, very late at night when the world is resting from the day
48. What are some of your favorite smells?
skin, the rain at night, early morning air, garlic, basil, good cooking, the scent of a wood burning fire outside on a cold snowy night
49. What are some of your favorite sensations?
skin on skin contact, the high from exercising, massages, the sigh that you let out when you grab your cocktail and fall into the lazy boy and put your feet up at the end of a hard day
50. How many people are you sending this to?
everyone in blog land............


Okay, so I changed 48 & 49, I couldn't think of just one favorite thing. Also, forgive all the spelling errors, my spell check isn't working............

Dinner, bath & a little skin

Happy HNT!

This is how my Wednesday went....
I mailed, email & faxed resumes all afternoon long.

Nice, I know, while I was at work.

LOL
Then I went for a run.

I contemplated not doing it, but I'm soooo glad I did.

After soo much mental strain today, I really needed to let go.

I ran my ass off.

Well, I wish I would of, but hey it felt like it.

Eventually it will get off me.

4 miles, not bad.
Then I had a great dinner of nonsense with wine,

then a hot bath.




It felt great to not have to work tonight.

And,
I had a great run!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I forced myself to run.

&

I got a shit load done for my move.

I feel so much better now. Big pat on the back!

But now I'm pissed because I lost my 50 some odd questionaire that I did while I was waiting to post this HNT. Fuck, that just irritates the shit out of me. But, I'm not going to get my panties in a bunch.

I will answer the questionaire as my post tomorrow or the next day.

No Worries

Good night and sweet dreams my little angels.