Another Night at the Office........

Okay, done with work. Or I mean, I'm done with what work I felt like doing. so I sit here and think all sorts of random thoughts. About the day, about people, about things.....

About the day -
with in the last two days I've been to TJ Max three times. First I bought clothes, then I tried them on at home, went back to exchange them out for more and a pair of shoes, then I went back again because those clothes didn't fit like I wanted them too. Now you ask, why not try on there? Well, because I was in a hurry both times and was with my boss. So, we just cruised through there really quick before lunch. We are both addicted to TJ Max.
Next, I went bra shopping. Ladies, you all know how fun that is. But, I was on a mission. I had to get a new bra, or two to go under my new sheer shirts. I HATE bra shopping. It's like the one necessary thing we need, but it's the most dreaded shopping experience in our life. Now boys, you guys go "what's the big deal?" "it's just a bra?" Yes, we know that believe me. But, how you see our boobies everyday is dependent upon what bra we wear. You see them as nice, perky, round or even possibly as voluptuous. We know they are pulled up, strapped in, pushed together, made fuller and nipples contained. So men reading this, thank your girl for going through the pain of bra shopping just so that we can give you the illusion that our boobs are perfect. Now I speak of course to those of us women out there that need to wear a bra for whatever reason. For all of you perky girls that don't need to wear a bra, fuck off and die. LOL

About people -
My boss informed me today that it is very evident when I don't like a person. Damn it man! I thought I was being sneaky. LOL. Actually, it caused me to wonder... is that a bad thing?
If someone asks me something, I tell them the truth. I won't lie. If need be, I can weasel out of being too brutally honest, but over all I think I'm honest with tack. But, if it's obvious when I don't like someone by my actions and reactions to them, then that bothers me. I don't want to be a "bitch". I try to be very polite and respectful to everyone. But, if I think someone is just stupid and ignorant I do have a hard time respecting them. So, I guess it shows. We were referencing our Chef of Security, and his attitude towards me the last couple of days. I guess he's pissed off at me, he's probably had enough of my disrespect. Tee- Hee!!! He's got to be the most ignorant person that I've ever worked with, or at least one of them. Obviously, it my feelings must show. LOL, thank god he's not my boss. But, I still feel shitty. So, I'm going to make a conscious effort to show more respect, he is an elder and his wife is slowly dying of cancer.
Crap, I feel bad now.

About things -
All this thinking about how I show my feelings got me thinking about why I was feeling so negative. The last time I felt so irritated by people, situations, work or whatever..... I at a very negative time in my life. I was running a bar back home, and I was soo stressed out. I wasn't a nice person, now some wouldn't think that, but I didn't feel like a nice person. and I'm sure my employees & vendors felt that way sometimes. I let the tiniest of things get to me. It was always this or always that it seemed. Now I know part of that was because of the responsibilities I had, but I think a lot of it was just because I wasn't happy with my life at that point. Then I moved, and life changed. I opened up, became happier and much more relaxed. Now I have moved again, and I've only been here for a year. Beautiful scenery, beautiful people. New experiences, new ideas. So, why do I feel so crappy? Why do I have that tightening through my shoulders again? Is it because I am in control of something again? I have serious job responsibilities again? Possibly, but when I lived in my previous place, I ran a retail store. I had responsibilities there. Or did I? Not really, the owner and I were really the only two people that worked there, besides Christmas time. So, she never really let go. I just had the pay and fancy title. Maybe it was the lack of responsibility that made me a more relaxed person. That would make sense, but I like control. So, I'm not quite sure what it is. Why am I so unhappy? Some would think my job is super cool, the place I live in great and so on. I feel guilty that I'm not more thankful for what I have. But, I am. I just am not happy. Do I move? Do I stay and focus on me? Do I move and focus on me? I need to figure it out though, this black cloak that covers me needs to be lifted. It's weighing me down. Damn it!