Wednesday night -
I had every intention tonight of talking about demons. I had been working up to it all day. But, then I got blind sighted with a phone call.
My younger brother, the youngest of the family, called me for advice.
Left me a message that said, "Please call me back. It's kinda important."
Family history in short form: Moved out when I was 17, been back (in house) off and on since then. Big age gap between me an other siblings, next oldest is 6 yrs younger than me. Caller just turned 21 in December. I wasn't really around while they (the other siblings) were growing up.
First thought? He's in Jail or trouble and I don't' have the money to bail him out. Fuck! Not that he's a bad kid, but...... I'm afraid that I'm considered to be the "cool older sister" that parties and such, so why not call her instead of the parental units when in trouble.
Thankfully, that wasn't the case.
Instead, he needed advice on what to do with his life.
And he needed to make a decision today.
"Please tell me your in jail and I need to come up with some money!"
That's what I wanted to scream when he started with his questioning. That response was 100 times easier than trying to frantically search for some good solid sound advice that would make a difference to him and in turn make a difference in his life.
Shit, the pressure!
How do you give advice when you need it yourself?
I was honest. I am always honest. I can't not be honest. I have to be true to myself. It's unfair to everyone that knows me if I'm not true to myself. Then they won't actually know me.
Wow, did I get off on a tantrum or what? I think that's the Demon speech I had prepared coming out.
I've got to get some sleep.
Today -
To continue my story...
I gave him my honest opinion. Which isn't always what the person questioning wants to hear. Well, he called me back last night to tell me that he took my advice. Whew...
First test score: A+
First lesson learned: Get your act together because others look to you for advice and as a role model.
Crap!
On another note, I've got to get going because Weed is nagging at me to get my HNT up today, not tonight. So I've got to ditch the office for a bit to head home and get that up. I hope everyone has a great Thursday! Thanks for letting me ramble.
(forgive all spelling errors, spell check isn't working)
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3 comments:
Yep, being looked up to can suck sometimes. I have 4 cousins that do it to me, as well as 2 nephews and 2 neices. For some strange reason, and despit the fact that my life is a ruins, they all seem to think I'm a great role model. Worries me a lot. Heck, I almost screamed the time my oldest nephew called me up because he figured I'd be the best one to ask about what to do about his first crush. Huh? With my string of failures I'm the last to ask about relationships.
All you can do is give them what you have, which is insight from a lifetime of experiances. In the end, maybe you'll come to realize that do to the fact that you've been through so much maybe you can share some of it so they don't have to go through it themselves. It also might just make you realize that they see you diferantly than you see yourself, and maybe will change who it is you see in the mirror each morning. Sometimes it's only in the eyes of another that we can really realize who we are past the cynasism we've carried all these years.
I am heading out of town....but will read this as soon as I get back! Love you!
Thank you azathoth
I missed you, I hadn't hear from you in a bit.
You always give the best advice.
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