2 drink confused ramblings

Have you ever felt that something has changed and not been able to pinpoint when it changed?

Or
Have you realized after-the-fact (whatever it was), that you felt different than you thought you would, and wondered when you changed how you felt in the first place?

those thoughts are kinda the same ... but what about...

What happens when you know something has changed and you don't have a clue what to do with it.
I feel lost. Unsure. Kinda relaxed, but kinda anxious. A bit sad, but only in the "whatever happens will happen" kinda way. Which I guess could be anxiety. Hmmmm....
I don't know what to do with my emotions.
That's the bottom line.

What I have done is: been a goofball at work, cooked dinner for the family, thought a lot, stared at nothing, stared at the candle, walked around, loved on my cat (real animal, you pervs LOL) , and listened to the silence. Oh yeah, and fixed a cocktail and then another. No, I haven't been smoking any pot tonight either, LOL. Although, that's not a bad idea....... nope, no need to make my brain analyze me anymore than it already is. I'm already starting to get a headache.

I like control,
and right now I don't feel like I have control of my emotions.
I don't know what to do with that.
And,
I don't know what to do with the loss of control.

National Breast Awareness Month

Hello everyone! In honor of National Breast Awareness Month, I thought I'd post one of my favorite pictures of my boobies again.

Now, I know I bitch about the torture of the contraption we women call a fucking bra, and men call over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder. Every women does, but... I have to say that I am so glad that I have healthy breast to put in to a bra. My grandmother on my fathers side had breast cancer and ended up dying from it, and my aunt on my mothers side has always had issues with her breast. I remember when I was young coming across my grandmothers foam boob inserts, and looking at them with a young girls wonder. I was in sixth grade when she passed away, and I really don't remember if I had started to develop my breast at that time, but I remember not understanding why it was such a big deal to my grandmother to have the foam inserts in her bra. They weren't that big anyway, it's not like they gave her gigantic boobs. LOL. I remember first there being one insert, and then there being two inserts and then they were gone. I believe, if I remember correctly, I asked my Aunt Kim one time were they were and she said grandmother (that's what she insisted on being called) didn't need them anymore. Now my grandmother was a very classy lady, always perfectly coifed and dressed. Very regal all the time. God forbid if she didn't look impeccable 24/7. It must of broke her heart to not have her breast, her womanhood. I can't imagine what it would of felt like for her on that one day when she decided not to put a bra on and the inserts in.

I am 33, and I have my breasts.

Now they aren't perfect by any means, and Weed and I always talk about getting boob jobs,

but I have them and I am sooo thankful for that.