Sunday, November 25, 2007

Hour and a Half Bath

Happy late Thanksgiving everyone!

I tried something new this year... I cooked!
Actually, I was nominated to cook by my real dad. Which was perfectly okay with me because usually I go to my step-dad's mothers house and eat the same dried out shit with a bunch of boring people every year. So this year I cooked for my dad and his side of the family. We decided non-traditional was the best. So, shrimp scampi pasta and crab stuffed pastry rolls with fresh steamed broccoli was the plan. The pastries were dry but good, the pasta was super good and I seriously over cooked the broccoli. It was funny, the one thing I wasn't stressed about turned out horrible. But, it was soo cool to laugh and have fun with his side of my family. Very cool.

So... I've worked my ass off since then. Worked both jobs Friday, then all day yesterday and today. Decided to have myself a drinky poo and head to the bath tub. I'm reading Mystic River and decided to take it with me to the tub. I seriously ended up taking a super long bath, 1.5 hours to be exact. How funny is that! I got out and looked at the clock and just started to giggle like crazy. I guess I needed it. I have decided to read more often. It gets my mind of stuff flying around in my head. This week has been hard. Work and just missing that someone. YUCK! anyway, if I can pass an hour and a half with out thinking about anything but a book, then I'm there more often. I have two bookcases full of books that I'm going to either re-read or actually read. Try to ease my overflowing mind.

So, one little funny....
I saw an acquaintance of mine the other night who host sex parties as a business. I went right up to Candie (nice name I know!) and said "I need that rabbit thingy." "The one that cost like $65 or something." "Do you have it?" Of course she said. Then I told her that I hadn't had sex since March or so, she started laughing and said oh you mean the one that cost around $120 or so. LOL!!! I said oh yeah, the good one. She just looked at me like I was feigning for crack or something. It was so funny! She put her digits in my phone and said to call her. I don't know if I can justify spending $120 on a sex toy, but if it keeps me from one night stands or calling the ex to get back together... then so be it. Besides the one I have now, isn't that good. I get off best with penetration, and so I'm thinking that the dildo and the rabbit ears with help me feel comfortable enough to seriously get off as if I'm actually having sex. My dildo now just makes me hornier. sucks. I'm not very good at masturbating, but if this rabbit thing is as good as everyone says... maybe it will do the trick. We shall see....................

Oh, one more side note:
I'm seriously thinking about taking on a Charity. Any ideas?
By chance Saturday, I was thinking about picking a charity to devote time too over coffee in the morning, and I went to work and the very first person that came across was a Team Developer for the Relay for Life in town. Interesting. I'm going to do much more investigating into it. My grandmother died from Breast Cancer and maybe it will be a way to get some closure on missing out on having her around as I've grown up. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.
Anyway, that's another side note.

Off to bed. I'm going to read more. LOL! Take care

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

botox reject

I was looking at my picture. and seriously?
my lips look freaky.
like too much botox or something.
is that even how you spell that word?
new picture coming soon.

oh, and I'm considering saving up for some plastic surgery next year.
things on the list:
1. boobs
2. Buddha
3. wings
4. back fat

this will all be after I reached my goal weight of course.
that's what my friend said, who has done plenty of it.
"get to the goal weight first and then do it."
it makes all the difference.

anyway, just another random day in my life
Oh wait,
I was actually attracted to a cute boy at the bar tonight who turned out to be married to my friend's sister. Nice, I know.
I've done it before. But not into it anymore.
the luck.
Night everyone.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

When I started to date you, I lost my identity.
I started to become what I thought you wanted, an ideal of my perception.
I wanted to be....
the girl you flirted with at the bar.
I tried to be....
the health fanatic.
the perfect physique.
the girl that was okay with seeing you when only you wanted.
the girl that understood why your son and I hadn't got to know each other better when you said you loved me and we had dated for approx a year
I wanted to be...
the girl that really knew you
the girl that you really knew

I wasn't
I tried to be
but I wasn't

Why did I try?

Why did I try and worse,
to be something I'm not?

I've never been like that.

Why then?

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Tuesday night

I don't understand why people smack their lips why they eat and eat with their mouths open?
first, your going to loose your food.
secondly, and to me most importantly... I don't want to fucking hear you eat? Why would I? It's gross and annoying.
grown people. didn't your mothers teach you how to be polite?

K, that's my post tonight
Tomorrow, I will talk about my fantastic spider bite that hurts like hell, and what the surgeon said. Appt. at 4pm. I'm scared they are going to cut it out, yuck. We shall see.

Sunday, October 28, 2007


Ummmm, it's 7am and I'm still up. Guess what I'm doing............

I like it. A lot.

Always have.

My ex, who I ended up hanging with tonight suggested it. Interesting.

So we did, and now he's passed out in my bed and I'm awake typing to you all.
Cyber Space.
We've never done it together, and tonight was a surprise.
He brought it up, interesting again.
I told him he was taking me to my lowest level. and he was doing it on purpose.
He said no.
But I know whether he did it on purpose or not, I'm actually glad.
I'm tired of hiding that part of me. So what if on occasion I do it.
We did it all.
Talked a lot.
No crazy fucked up sex. Just hanging. It was good. LOL
not the stuff, but just hanging without the "oh let's have sex" thing
don't get me wrong, the shit was good, but ...............
very nice. high fives actually
No sex like I know all too well how it can be while your feeling the high.
that I wasn't feeling the sexual thing.
I actually haven't had sex since February. and it was with him. Funny!
or better yet, what's wrong with me?
why am I not horny?
over all?
I was the other day for a sec..... then I masturbated, and didn't cum but was then done with it.
Now I'm drinking a dbl bourbon and sprite to try to come down.
smoking a menthol, I don't even smoke. C what this shit does to me? LOL
we did have some pretty good conversations.
sometimes I feel like no one understands me
one more cig, and then I'm done........
sorry for the mindless rambling. What? why am I sorry? I'm just talking out loud.
that is what this thing is all about.
why do I feel for that man snoring in my bed?

man, I'm going to have one hell of a smokers headache tomorrow. or today I mean.... LOL
I'm really not that spunky, LOOL
winding down
there are two men in my life which knew me
one is on the east coast
one here
not the ex, but someone who gets me
even if I had them, I don't know if it would be it...........
sade has such a great soothing voice.
it's time for bed.............
thanks for listening
kisses and hugs

Friday, October 26, 2007

Sad songs and Bourbon

What does it say about a person that periodically feels the need to clean out their life?

Let me clarify...

little pieces of meaningless paper....

I wish I could say emotions,
but no
seems like they keep sticking around...
fucking bourbon and sad songs.

And, every time I do the "big" clean out, I tell myself never again am I going to buy anything.

It is a very soothing feeling, though. Like starting new.


Okay, how many of you walk into a restaurant or bar 15 minutes before it closes?
Annoying! Don't do it. few exceptions... just one beer or one shot. That's it.

What part of "Last Call" don't people understand?
I mean really? We do it for a reason.

Hey weird traveler guy, I'm not going to give you a ride to the local bar, walk or get your drunk ass some beer at the convienece store a block and a half away and go to your room and watch porno all night. Sleaze ball.

Why don't you leave when the lights go up? HELLO???? We want to go home. We are tired of serving you "just one more" and dealing with you thinking your cool, when really ... you aren't.

Hours are posted for a reason. Adhere to them. Don't come early, and don't stay late.

Oh, and freaky green shirt newly divorced guy, stop staring at me like you are literally fucking or eating me out over the bar. Creep-a-zoid

I think I've vented enough.
Can you tell that I had a bad night at work? LOL

On a lighter note....
My buddy Pat sent me an email last night. That was sooo cool. I haven't talked to him since I left HHI. He's just such a great guy. I hope all is going well with him. I miss him and that place a lot. I still have his number, I just might have to drunk dial him some night. Oh, his girlie friend might not like that. I'll make sure it's early enough, though.
Man... I miss that place.

Oh, little updates:
Last week I did a Spook Crawl. Basically we went around to a bunch of bars and drank something at each one. NO worries though, we rented a bus and had a sober driver. It was soo much fun. I hope to get pictures soon, and if they are good, I'll post them.

One of my jobs wants me to move to another city to be a 1st asst. mgr for another store. Not going to do it. Going to stay here, finish school and then move when I get my own store.

that's about it
oh, thinking about adding another job, which would make three. Yes, I'm crazy!

and interesting side note... man tells me not to move, just to hold out here for awhile. Now, more about man later... but very interesting. Very interesting.

K, kiddos... I'm off to bed. Sleep tight my fellow peeps.

think twice about what you do at a restaurant or bar..................................

Friday, October 05, 2007

It's me again....

I know no one is reading this anymore, but that's okay. I thought it would be fun to start it back up. Vent a little. Try to be creative and witty, and just talk about nothing important. A few things have happend since I last posted.... LOL

1. took on another job.
2. only working three days at the stupid job I had before. can't give it up yet, the money is too good.
3. decided to go back to school. for what you ask? business. well, actually it's technical accounting. but it's supposed to be business something or other. I just wanted to stop working soo much at the first original job, and get a chance to learn something again. to feel a little alive again. in a sense. yes, I know I'm typing with no captial letters, feels so good. like I'm breaking rules or something. just kidding. I don't know why I am, but I am.

I'm going to try to be vigligant about posting. if for nothing else but venting. we shall see how it goes.... sleep tight