Hour and a Half Bath

Happy late Thanksgiving everyone!

I tried something new this year... I cooked!
LOL
Actually, I was nominated to cook by my real dad. Which was perfectly okay with me because usually I go to my step-dad's mothers house and eat the same dried out shit with a bunch of boring people every year. So this year I cooked for my dad and his side of the family. We decided non-traditional was the best. So, shrimp scampi pasta and crab stuffed pastry rolls with fresh steamed broccoli was the plan. The pastries were dry but good, the pasta was super good and I seriously over cooked the broccoli. It was funny, the one thing I wasn't stressed about turned out horrible. But, it was soo cool to laugh and have fun with his side of my family. Very cool.

So... I've worked my ass off since then. Worked both jobs Friday, then all day yesterday and today. Decided to have myself a drinky poo and head to the bath tub. I'm reading Mystic River and decided to take it with me to the tub. I seriously ended up taking a super long bath, 1.5 hours to be exact. How funny is that! I got out and looked at the clock and just started to giggle like crazy. I guess I needed it. I have decided to read more often. It gets my mind of stuff flying around in my head. This week has been hard. Work and just missing that someone. YUCK! anyway, if I can pass an hour and a half with out thinking about anything but a book, then I'm there more often. I have two bookcases full of books that I'm going to either re-read or actually read. Try to ease my overflowing mind.

So, one little funny....
I saw an acquaintance of mine the other night who host sex parties as a business. I went right up to Candie (nice name I know!) and said "I need that rabbit thingy." "The one that cost like $65 or something." "Do you have it?" Of course she said. Then I told her that I hadn't had sex since March or so, she started laughing and said oh you mean the one that cost around $120 or so. LOL!!! I said oh yeah, the good one. She just looked at me like I was feigning for crack or something. It was so funny! She put her digits in my phone and said to call her. I don't know if I can justify spending $120 on a sex toy, but if it keeps me from one night stands or calling the ex to get back together... then so be it. Besides the one I have now, isn't that good. I get off best with penetration, and so I'm thinking that the dildo and the rabbit ears with help me feel comfortable enough to seriously get off as if I'm actually having sex. My dildo now just makes me hornier. sucks. I'm not very good at masturbating, but if this rabbit thing is as good as everyone says... maybe it will do the trick. We shall see....................

Oh, one more side note:
I'm seriously thinking about taking on a Charity. Any ideas?
By chance Saturday, I was thinking about picking a charity to devote time too over coffee in the morning, and I went to work and the very first person that came across was a Team Developer for the Relay for Life in town. Interesting. I'm going to do much more investigating into it. My grandmother died from Breast Cancer and maybe it will be a way to get some closure on missing out on having her around as I've grown up. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.
Anyway, that's another side note.

Off to bed. I'm going to read more. LOL! Take care

botox reject

so
I was looking at my picture. and seriously?
my lips look freaky.
like too much botox or something.
is that even how you spell that word?
new picture coming soon.

oh, and I'm considering saving up for some plastic surgery next year.
things on the list:
1. boobs
2. Buddha
3. wings
4. back fat

this will all be after I reached my goal weight of course.
that's what my friend said, who has done plenty of it.
"get to the goal weight first and then do it."
it makes all the difference.

anyway, just another random day in my life
Oh wait,
I was actually attracted to a cute boy at the bar tonight who turned out to be married to my friend's sister. Nice, I know.
I've done it before. But not into it anymore.
shit,
the luck.
Night everyone.

When I started to date you, I lost my identity.
I started to become what I thought you wanted, an ideal of my perception.
I wanted to be....
the girl you flirted with at the bar.
I tried to be....
the health fanatic.
the perfect physique.
the girl that was okay with seeing you when only you wanted.
the girl that understood why your son and I hadn't got to know each other better when you said you loved me and we had dated for approx a year
I wanted to be...
the girl that really knew you
the girl that you really knew

I wasn't
I tried to be
but I wasn't
Why?

Why did I try?

Why did I try and worse,
want
to be something I'm not?

I've never been like that.

Why then?