Moving again.... yes again!

I'm moving to a new apt this weekend.
Yeah!
So I don't know when my internet will be set up again.
Boo!
I won't have to pay rent.
Yeah!
But, I have to actually move.
Boo!
I've got to get motivated. More Coffee.
Yeah!

See you soon

Happy Monday!

We had a very snowy weekend. I took these pictures Saturday night, and on Sunday morning. It was the first real snow of the season. It has snowed before this year, but this was the first beautiful snow that fell for hours on end and put a hush on the world here. Saturday night when I got home, I just stood outside my apt and listened to how silent the night was. It was very neat. I really didn't do much this weekend. Worked mostly. Friday I fought with my boyfriend via text most of the day. I know, very stupid. Then we made up (sort of) later on that night, then instead of going home to bed (like I said), I decided to go see friends at another bar and have one more drink before I went home. When I left my boyfriend, I had every intention of going home, but on the way home I decided to have another drink. I was happy, I was in a great mood, we had made up! Needless to say, it looked like I lied to him when he tried to come by my house later on that night, and I wasn't home. He came out to the bar, and of course I was
having a total blast. He was a little miffed. He left. It was so weird, I felt like he was checking up on me. I've never had that happen. He said later, that he was coming to hang out, but when he got there, he just got irritated because he thought I lied about going home. Well, I can see where it would look like that, and putting myself in his shoes, I would of felt the same way. But, I'm not that type of person. I would never do that. Anyway, long story short.... he called at 8am to say we needed to talk. So, I cancelled lunch plans with Weed and called him back and said I was free after 11. Better late than never. He came over around lunch, and basically said he thought I lied and I said I didn't. And, then we started to talk about how many red flags we have already in our relationship. I said do we have enough red flags to show that we weren't meant to be together? Then we talked a bit more. Sometime in the conversation, he said, "we are just better being friends". I said okay. Because I know it's true. Then he left, no kiss no hug. Then, after he left he called back to ask me to lunch the next day. I said sure, I'd call him after I got off work. I thought it strange, aren't we supposed to be friends now? But, we can do lunch as friends. On the way to work, he called to tell me to be careful when I go to work, and to call him when I get home from work. Then I got a text talking about how horny this weather makes him and asked if I had any suggestions. Weird, once again, didn't he say we were better off as friends? I wanted to text back "get a girlfriend", but I just didn't reply. Sunday he calls, and just made misc small talk and I said I'd call him when I got off work. Then I got a text around 12, saying he cancelled lunch and asked for a rain check. I texted back "k". After work, I went home took a mini siesta and then went to my parents for supper. During my nap, he called and wanted to know what I was up to. I didn't call him back, I just turned off my phone. It's been off ever since. I just really don't want to talk to him. Not because I'm mad at him, but I just don't want to talk to him. I'm going to have to do the task of actually breaking up, I just am avoiding it. Ugh! Yuck! You know on Saturday when he said "we are better off just being friends" I felt such relief. Yeah! But, then after he left and I was just hanging out at my house I started to get sad and that confused me. Then, I started to think of him with another girl, and I got jealous.

These are the feelings that I don't like. The mixed up feelings you get that aren't what you normally feel. That's why I think it's easier to just stay single. I'm mad at myself for feeling them, because I don't really like this guy that much. The feelings just stem from my own insecurities. I don't like to be reminded that I have them. I do, and I have a lot of them. Yuck! Anyway, sorry to bore you all with my detail of the weekend, I was just talking it all out. I hope everyone else had a great weekend!

I got up at 5:30 this morning to do my yoga DVD before work, and I'm still sitting at the computer drinking coffee at 6:45. LOL, now I have to get ready for work.

Hey, but at least I said hi to you!

First time for everything...

Good Morning Everyone!

It's 16 outside, and I'm taking as long as possible to get to ready for work.
That's fricken cold.
So, I decided to post a little something.
Thursday night I had my first online masterbation session. It was hot! I was talking with a friend, and all the sudden I got sooo turned on. So, why not play? Of course they wanted to see, and I only thought about it for a split sec. Then, why not? Anyway, it was soo hot. I ended up having an orgasm twice. Whoo baby, that was awesome. My partner in this little experience was turned on, and of course I wanted to see too. He kept on holding off. (not fair!) But then, I became too focused on me and took care of things. When done, I was patiently waiting for my little peep show, when a friend texted me and wanted to come over to talk about issues in her life. Yuck! So of course I said okay, and kept my friend online until she showed up. Left him hanging when she finally showed up. Sorry Charlie! Beleive me it sucked for me too. Anyway, upon waking up the next morning, I felt a little wierd about my little show. I've never done anything like that before. I felt a mixture of exposure, wierdness and fear. Then, I thought about it, and got turned on again. LOL! Anyway, I know it's not a big deal. But, I can say I'm not sure if I would do it again. I felt very vulnerable the next day. I trust the other person with my peep show, but you just never know about people, things and circumstances out there in the world. I'm not worried about him, I trust him. I just feel vulnerable. You just never know about this internet thing. I know, I'm a paranoid freak! LOL!
Fuck,
it's 9:10. I've got to get ready for work.
Shit,
Now I'm really turned on.
I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

My spell check isn't working, so forgive me for any misspelled words. Too lazy to look them up in the dictionary.

Tonight

Tonight... I had every intention of posting about....

sex
a. anal
b. Satisfied, but not what wanted
c. not so good, left unsatisfied
d. Relaying what wanted and needed

(not necessarily in that order)

LOL

relationships
a. Why.
b. Needs
c. Understanding of

communication
a. Relationships
b. Work
c. Friends
d. Life

resolutions
a. Am i going to do it
b. What to chose to do
c. What can I really believe in

but, as I sat down at the puter,
tonight
my mind went blank.
These are the things I want to talk about, but when faced with it, I have no idea what to say.

Some day I will learn to speak well.
Some day,
I hope to be able to convey all my thoughts and feelings into coherent thoughts that others recognize as intellectual thoughts.
The way I feel inside

that others can understand!

Or maybe, they won't.
and then
I hope to not be worried about it.
It doesn't matter what others think, right...?