Tonight I broke my heart because I devastated another's. This is why I don't get close.
Bear with me...
I met him on the fourth of July, which stories still have to be told of that evening. But, to give it in a simplified version, I picked up a guy and took him home (well, actually to his house) and had awesome sex with him and a lot of fun hanging out with him. Now, I'm pretty damn sure that is the only time, well except for one other time, that I've ever done that. And I am struggling with feeling like a whore because of it. But, let's face it... Sometimes we are just in the mood for whatever, ( no matter what it is, not necessarily sex) and do we deprive ourselves just for what others deem to be wrong with whatever it is we are feeling? Anyway,
the chemistry is there.
Seriously there.
He is absolutely not what I want. No way. Drives a motorcycle, not a Harley or a Chopper type, but something like a Honda. And, he drives an 80's Camero. Yes, you heard it right folks, an 80's era Camero. But, bless his heart, he has a lot of pride in it, and that's not a bad thing. He's from NY. 38, two kids with ex, lives with a roommate in a dorm type condo, has some issues with his finances that I haven't quite figured out. Not that financial stuff is an issue at this point, but something to do with a girl that wants to fuck him opening up a checking account for him. YES, I see all the RED flags. I'm not blind. But, there are serious sparks.
So much so, that I knew I needed to lay it all out on the line before it got any deeper.
After only screwing him Tuesday night, and talking to him on Wednesday and talking to him today (Friday), I felt a HUGE pull to let him know what was going on with me. Now, most would probably say that is a little soon to drop it off like it is, because technically we haven't even been on our first date much less talked about ourselves and what have you. But, once again, we just clicked. I had to be honest. So I told him how it was.
I told him that I'm very independent. If he's looking for a girlfriend, I'm not going to be it. I don't like lots of phone calls a day, or a huge amount of hangin out either. I'm a loner. Then I dropped the bomb, also I'm moving home within a month or two. He looked at me with those big blue eyes, devastated. What? I said I'm sorry. He was floored. I told him that we needed to decide what we were going to do because the feelings were so strong between us. He agreed. He said he knew the chemistry between us was so strong that he knew it was too much of a good thing. I agreed also. I said, we could either hang out and have fun over the next month or so, or go a head and drop it here. We run the risk of getting to close if we continue to hang out. He wants to try to convince me to stay and he will take care of me. (LOL, yes I know, we already had those types of conversations after meeting for the second time.) But, it's not going to happen. I'm going home. He's got too much baggage, and I know if I were to stay we wouldn't stay together forever. He's a bit of a thug I think. I think he might have a temper too. I can't decide. Do I sound like I'm trying to convince myself? I am. We have so much fun. I just melt when I'm around him. Yuck!!!! Anyway, once again it broke my heart to have to break his. It was like I sucked the life out of him when I told him. It was so sad. I'm not trying to sound conceited or anything, by saying he fell in love with me and such at all, but it was obvious that I didn't make his night.
So, now I don't know where we are. He said to call him tomorrow if I wanted to continue to see each other. He does, of course he wants to convince me to stay. Or should I just let it die and a little bit of us will die with it? Crap. Damn it Damn it Damn it
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7 comments:
I don't know about the platonic thing. Possibly, but it would be a long distance friendship thing. We even went so far as to talk about him visiting me when I move. It's crazy! I haven't really broken it off yet, we just kinda left each other for the night. He did try to call me during the night, but I was sleeping. Also, I haven't heard from him all day. It's bothering me. I'm trying to say it's for the good, but I'm still kinda bummed. I'm not sure what I'm feeling. I know deep down that we should not continue. But..... I can't shake him.
i think if you have any reservatoins about him or his character, then you would be wise to disengage and move on. lust and physical attraction are very powerful and can warp one's judgement. if you have any doubts - don't do it.
it does suck to bein your shoe right now, sorry.
In the end if your not staying then spending more time with him will just make it worse when it's time to go. It's crappy way to look at it, but a little pain now is better than a lot of pain later. The line that worries me most is "and I think he has a temper". If you even think that then walk away quick. But it's not a fun situation at all. Good luck, and keep us posted.
You had to be honest about what your looking for and what you expect out of a relationship. It's not dropping a bomb, it just cuts down on confusion and pain later on...
You are a whore and I can't wait until you come home!!
Fine....seriously, I think you did the right thing too. Chemistry can be a crazy thing, but it is not the only thing that keeps a relationship strong for years to come. I have had STRONG chemistry with several guys.....it's called sexual tension....don't base a relationship on that!!
Time to drop it and move on. If you are getting red flags this early then something is just not right.
hey, I hope I broke it off okay. I just told him it wasn't smart of us to get involved right before I move. I am a tiny bit concerned because he's been to my house once. But, I live in a gated community, so I hope that is okay. He used my phone while he was here, I hope he wasn't smart enough to call himself so the number shows up on the caller id. I don't like people to know my home phone unless I'm really close to them. I think he's harmless, but I'm also a parnoid person. He does seem like a thug, so let's all just pray that nothing happens to the house or to my roomate after I leave.
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